The consequences were immediate; from the day following the return of my girlfriend and her aunt to Buenos Aires I began to feel the void caused by their departure, really a new experience in my stay in New York, as in the period before Susana´s arrival I had not felt it. Retrospectively thinking her visit, instead of helping me to overcome loneliness had the paradoxical effect of accentuating it, at least in the period immediately after her return.
Probably this temporary void left me in a state of psychological vulnerability, which had the consequence of lowering my taboo barriers of that time, fruit as I said before of my upbringing in a relatively prudish and puritanical society at least in the external forms. The experiences that happened afterwards perhaps would not have occurred to me had I not been exposed to solitude.
Upon returning from my job a few days later I decided to wander along the Promenade, that strip of coast I referred to before, close to my apartment and overlooking the bay and the southern part of the island of Manhattan. Although consciously I would have never recognized it, there was in fact a hidden motivation within me to expose myself to new experiences and relax somewhat the firm control that my alleged moral consciousness and self-protection instincts kept on my actions. Up to that moment I had set barriers in order to keep New York and its assumed dangers away from me. So maybe I was then looking in some obscure and unconscious manner to expose me to have the experiences that actually happened.
Walking that afternoon along the Promenade I happened to see Peter, one of the gay neighbors who had kindly invited me at home as I briefly mentioned above. He was just walking with his small dog of an unknown breed.
“ Hi Peter!” I spoke loudly to call his attention because he had not noticed my proximity. “Walking alone today?”
The question was due to my surprise at not seeing his partner John, with whom I had always found him walking in the Promenade.
“Hello Alex!” Both the tone of his voice and his gestures showed clearly that finding me had caused him both surprise and pleasure.
“Yes.” He went on. “John has traveled for a few days to New Jersey to visit his family. And you’re alone too?”
“ Yes. My fiancée has returned to Buenos Aires, and she is not planning to come back to New York, at least for a while.”
For a moment I discerned in his eyes a flicker of interest; maybe because I was actually looking for that reaction in him, ephemeral as it was.
“So we’re both alone.” He said and after reflecting for a moment added. “Why don´t you come and have dinner with me tonight? Although I know you have dinner later than what´s usual in this country, maybe we can both agree on an intermediate time.”
“All right, time should not be a problem.” I agreed in a perhaps somewhat vehemently way that Peter did not fail to perceive. “Is eight o´clock right for you?”
After a few minutes of conversation each went his way, as Peter argued he needed time to prepare food for the night. We had finally agreed that I would visit him at 7:30 PM. This left me time to buy a bottle of wine, get a shower and change my clothes.
At the agreed time I rang the bell at Peter´s house. As he opened I noticed he had changed his attire and his attitude in comparison with my previous visits when John was present. Instead of his usual discreet costume he was now dressed in clothes with a rather feminine and provocative appearance; a wide and almost transparent shirt that showed his chest and tight pants that highlighted his rounded buttocks. His usually neutral manner had become somewhat girly as well. I immediately realized that Peter wanted to use his partner´s transitory absence for having a sexual adventure; the band that was covering my inner eyes also disappeared and I realized that in fact that was also what I was expecting since my girlfriend’s return to our country. I was looking forward to something, anything, to happen to me.
Suddenly blood began to flow quickly within me and I felt a sudden erection. Peter had a keen eye on my reactions and immediately realized my state of arousal. He smirked and looked at my crotch suggestively; he brought his face close to mine and kissed me on my cheek, something he had never done before. As both Peter´s intentions when he invited me and my real reasons for accepting the invitation were uncovered, hormones began to play hard. In my past experience I never had proof of the contraptions of a person, male or female, to have sex with me. The idea of being sought with insistence flattered my vanity and unleashed a storm of emotions. I took Peter’s face in my hands and passionately kissed him back in his mouth. The man was surprised but immediately responded to my excitement with his own hormonal reactions. Our hands sought the skin of the other clumsily removing his clothes. As we were still in the apartment lobby and had not entered the living room I pushed Peter until his back was resting on the nearest wall, I then let out the waist button of his pants and avidly introduced my hands down to his buttocks, which I squeezed with relish; the contact with his flesh led my sexual desire to paroxysm. Peter began to exhale moans of pleasure that excited me even more. Then he knelt in front of me, unbuttoned my pants and with his teeth pulled down my slip to the knees exposing my erection; as he saw my penis he moaned with pleasure and immediately placed it between his lips. I took his head desperately from behind pushing it until the penile fully entered into his mouth. Peter began to gasp as his breath was blocked by the brutal invasion of his upper airways so I had to somewhat loosen the pressure I exerted on his head and let him be in control.
The act became more intense as we both groaned with pleasure.
“I’m about to have an orgasm.” I said puzzled by the idea of ejaculating into the mouth of a person, which had never happened to me until then.
“Wait. I want to make the most of this moment.” Said Peter. Then holding my hand he led me to the bedroom, towards which we headed dragging our pants on the ground. Once there he got on the bed and placed on all fours resting on his arms and knees so that his rear was almost on the edge of the bed. The fact that he so obviously offered it for sex took me aback at first, since until then I had not even thought what I would do to satisfy my desire. Taking charge of my inexperience Peter turned his head looking at me, took my penis in his hand and inserted superficially inside him. I then pushed energetically forcing all of my penile inside the cavity. Peter let out a scream I could not ascertain whether it was in pain, pleasure or both. We both started pumping awkwardly at the beginning until instinctively we could encompass our rhythms. Although I was urged to ejaculate I tried to refrain it to make it last as much as possible. Finally the climax came amid a convulsion of my whole body. For a moment we remained extant still powerless to move; and then gradually our energies returned. We lay on the bed, me on top of him, both exhausted and sweaty. When he got control his breathing Peter told me.
“I have never had such a fulfilling sexual experience before. I am glad we have met in the Promenade and you’ve fallen into the networks that I have laid. As I had tagged you as inexpert and timid I had my doubts that this was going to happen. I quickly realized you did not have experience in this kind of sex, so I am delighted for having initiated you.”
After washing ourselves we ate in silence, as we both were immersed in our own thoughts remembering what had happened and none was willing to talk.
When I was leaving his apartment to go home Peter took my hand and told me.
“John must never know what happened between us as he is extremely jealous, and could leave me and take physical retaliation against you. Promise me.”
When I did so he kissed me in my mouth and told me with a roguish voice.
“I´ll be waiting for you tomorrow, at the same time.”
Although I had had sex before they had been “regular” sex experiences, i.e. heterosexual, as if belonging to a canon ever written. I had never been part of fellatio, nor had performed anal sex, let alone with someone of the same sex. The horror I felt before by this kind of transgressions with their aura of sin or unnatural fact was put on hold finding that a perfectly heterosexual male